I totally had a point of view about vegan cheese. So, every time I ‘went vegan’, it would mean giving up cheese entirely. I had tried some of the nut based cheeses and I didn’t like them. I would be too picky about ingredients. I don’t like purchasing soy. These things complicated my path to veganism. I could gleefully resist eggs. I would never eat butter. Dairy yogurt would get an occasional pass for its culture. Cheese, I would keep.
Goat cheeses even.
They are needed.
My body loves the fat.
Regardless of that;
I thought vegan cheese was ridiculous.
I would not eat vegan cheese.
Until Cecile moved in. She told me about vegan cheese. I made a choice to believe her. The vegan cheese she used was great. It was delicious. It melted. It was made with good ingredients. Everything she spoke was truth, if I believed it. That point of view felt much more expansive.
I immediately bought some of this vegan cheese. I brought it home and made a quesadilla. The cheese is packaged shredded. Corn tortillas carry to me an essence of dimethyltryptamine. I danced with them as handfans designed to spy behind. Inhaling them as an ecstatic bride. I added avocado and mushrooms. Coconut oil in the cast iron. Pining. Anticipating.
Why had I waited so long?
As the story goes, these dry patches caused by cold weather and yes; in part, by a lack of self care, went away. And when they went away, I noticed. I noticed when I put on my favorite sweater and my sandpaper elbows didn’t scratch. I noticed when they didn’t scratch the sheets at night. I noticed when I lifted my desk sore elbow from propping up my face to stare at a screen. I would rub it to increase the blood flow and wow, it was smooth.Silky smooth. With great disappointment, I came to understand not all of my body likes dairy cheese.
This whole story, as it goes, pours out in front of the cheese case in the co~op to a man I kind of know. I announce my judgment of vegan cheese, unveil my scientific research, and I thrust my elbow at his chest.
“Feel how smooth it is.”
And I remembered what a gift it is to share touch. The blessed wonder of this whole experience. How amazing it feels to be in a body. That everyday, I live in a temple.
Instead of trying to eliminating the thing I am judging, how can I eliminate the judgment?
How much more amazing can it become when I stay out of conclusion?
How do you like your quesadilla?
two jalisco corn tortillas
¼ ripe avocado
1 shittake mushroom
¼ C daiya vegan mozzarella cheese
coconut oil to coat the cast iron
bless, in joy